Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
