I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
