She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
