then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
