"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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