How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize