Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
