One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
