I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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