I wanna passion pit in your ass
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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