Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
