How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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