just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
