loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
