Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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