You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
