I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
