dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need to stop coming to work sober
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
