"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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