you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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