You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
