i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
