How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
