You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's the barista slut.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
