Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
