epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
