the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
