don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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