It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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