He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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