my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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