It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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