HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are two peas in an std pod
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
