I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
