suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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