Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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