Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
