Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize