yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why do cheetos always look like penises
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
