she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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