Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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