i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
