I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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