yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
