I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
