We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
