some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
