Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
