Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
