worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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