She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am available for nakedness
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
