I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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