Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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