I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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