i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
