Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
