he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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