Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
