His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
