If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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