roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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