Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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