dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I forget how to act sober
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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