i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
