I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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