They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I did not marry a roomba.
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